If I were to define myself who I am, first response I would make is I’m a Mongolian. Sure it is a very vague statement that does not describe any characteristics I possess, it only accounts for my ethnicity, but to me my ethnicity is an essence of my character, cause it shaped who I am right now, my goals, aspirations, and my view of the world. But, as I was growing up I believed my ethnic background was a drawback.
When I was kid, I had very little interest in my ethnic background. I was the first generation of kids who were raised in democratic era in Mongolia. Fall of communism, and emergence of democracy introduced TV shows like the Simpsons, Friends, and 7th heaven to Mongolian kids like me. What projected on the square black box, I enjoyed it. I learned my first English word on TV and its arsenal of western TV shows even improved my English vocabulary. I even developed needless to say more of an “American” way of thinking. I liked what I saw on TV and it was better than what I saw outside my window. I disregarded Mongolian writing and I started reading more English books.
One day my English teacher gave me a copy of “the Catcher and the Rye”. I loved reading it; I enjoyed it so much I spent my whole Saturday afternoon till the following Sunday morning finish reading it. As I finished reading the book whilst I was going to bed at 7 in the morning my mother awaking up asked me in Mongolian, “Did you swallow fox eyes, last night?” When my mother asked me this I had no idea what she was talking about. Few years later when I came to the states, I was chatting with my friend, I asked him, “when are you going to bed is not it late there?” he told me same thing my mother told in different manner, “I think I swallowed fox eyes, I will go to bed later.” The second time I still did not understood what it meant. Seemingly I thought I would get mocked by my friend if I asked him what it meant, cause it seemed a very simple Mongolian idiom that I just did not know, so I stood silent said my goodbye and went to bed.
Feeling desperate and angst to not ask people what it meant I started to read Mongolian literature and books on folk sayings on foxes to find what it meant. As I read on I had a deep sense of pride of being a Mongolian. I could surely say what it means to swallow fox eyes now. To swallow fox eyes - not feeling sleepy, to be alert and to have cunning insight expressed in one emotion. Just imagine yourself drinking large sum of coffee, drinking more than your regular batch, having that effect on your body without drinking the coffee would be called to swallow fox eyes.
Now I have feeling I should honor my culture if I want to expand knowledge even more. Cause in the end I have to swallow fox eyes to make a better future for myself and for my country.
PS. this was first published in my school paper, and i just wanted something on this blog that showed who I'm and this essay seem to sum up some of things i stand for. Later on I will post some of my philosophical essays.
- Thank you all much love
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